I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
