i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
