hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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