I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
