If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
