Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
