his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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