I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
even my farts smell like vagina
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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