So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
