She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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