Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
