im about as happy as oj after his trial
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
