p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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