I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize