I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
