Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
