I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
