I wish I could teleport
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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