Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
