and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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