dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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