He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
