i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
