did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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