I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
