My hand turned me down
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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