i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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