Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
