She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
