i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
