You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
