he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
