If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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