my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
