TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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