woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
