if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
