this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
