last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
