one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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