So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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