no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
