my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
