anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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