I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
