I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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