btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
