do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
