I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
