Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
