I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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