Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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