I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i now understand why vodka
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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