Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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