wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
