k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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