I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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